Meeting Basic Child Needs in Interactive IFS Groups

  I have identified 4 Basic Child Needs that every child must have met for optimal psychological health. If one (or more) of these needs wasn’t met in childhood, then (using IFS terminology) an exile will be left with that need as a burden. The need will have to be met in group, or in individual therapy, or possibly in life, for personal growth. 

Safety

Children need to be safe from harm or violation. Ideally, the parents would refrain from harming or intruding on the child and would protect him or her from harm from other people or situations such as prejudice, war, or gang violence. This helps the child to trust people.

Value

The child must be seen and valued for who she is by her parents. She needs to be appreciated. This helps the child to feel good about herself. It isn’t enough to be valued if the child isn’t seen for who she is.

Autonomy

Even though a child can’t just do whatever she wants, ideally the parents wanted the child to be free to be herself and assert herself as long as it was safe and not too disruptive. If they encouraged the child to be herself, to take risks, to assert herself, and to begin creating the life she wanted, they supported her autonomy.

Belonging

We all need to feel that we belong to a loving family. A child needs nurturing when she is young. She needs love in all its aspects from her parents. She needs compassion when she is in pain. She needs caring when she is in need. She needs appreciation for who she is. She needs to love her family and have her love welcomed and appreciated.

Interactive IFS Groups are set up in such a way that these needs tend to be met through the relationships with the group members and with the group as a whole, leading to deep inner transformation. Its like creating a healthy family.